No golfing stories this week….

The SU and I spent last night at the Seattle Temple instead. It was definitely worth it because it made me reflect on the things I said I would do and what I will gain because of it.

And, it made me miss my baby girl a ton. I thought about her a lot last night. It didn’t help that I was looking at what we had recorded on the camcorder last night and I stumbled across the video of me holding her and then the three of us being on the bed together in the hospital on the day she left us. As an aside, I think I looked like crap on the video. I looked like I was beaten down, tired, stressed, and scared which is probably normal given the circumstances. Either way, yesterday wasn’t the greatest of days for either of us but today is looking a little better.

I’ve got the Father and Son’s camp out tomorrow night and Saturday morning and I’m really looking forward to it even though I don’t have a son. I’ve had some people ask me why I’m not volunteering to take a kid who doesn’t have a dad. Here’s my reasons for not doing it:

When my dad was MIA for three or four years and people did it to me I always felt awkward, weird, depressing and I hated it. There I was at the Father and Son’s camp out with some guy I barely knew when all the other kids were there with their Dads. The only time it didn’t feel awkward was when I specifically asked to be paired up with my home teacher because he had known me for years. That being said, I don’t want to take a kid I don’t know anything about and put him into an awkward situation and make him watch everybody else with their Dad’s having a good time. It’s not fun and its not fair either.  

So, I’m going to go enjoy myself, sit by the fire, cook up some stuff (or maybe I’ll stop at McDonalds on the way out of town), see if I can help cook breakfast Saturday morning (tradition in my old ward), and head home Saturday afternoon. It’ll be nice to get away from the girls for a while. (There. I said it. You all knew I was thinking it. Now I can get ready to sleep on the couch tonight.)