sorry for the lack of updates

like the title says, sorry for not updating. I just haven’t been motivated. Things at the house have finally settled down and we’ve mostly settled in now. The crumbsnatchers are flying out tomorrow by themselves to go see their other dad. The SU will be on an emotional roller coaster all week until they get back. We’ll both try to enjoy being child free but it’ll be harder because of who they’re with.

I have an appointment with the orthodontist on Wednesday to see about getting braces put on and then golfing in the afternoon. I also have golf on Friday and tomorrow I have all day training at work. There’s a baby shower at the house on Saturday so I’m going to try and find an excuse to be gone.

The pupper dog has decided that she now has territory to defend and that she must protect us so any time another dog, cat, squirrel or human goes by the window where she can see them she goes into bark mode. It’s different from before because at the apartment she never acted like that presumably because we were on the second floor. Either way, she acts much bigger than her size and isn’t afraid of anything.

Oh, we went and saw the new Harry Potter movie on Thursday last week and I must say it was great. I wanted to slap the lady from the ministry though. She reminded me a lot of people I used to know and how narrow minded they were. The SU has almost finished the new book and while she’s been doing that I’ve been trying to finish the licensing tests on Gran Turismo 4. I think I’ve got 4 or 5 left on the Super License.

Reason number 30,234,987 why I don’t like public transportation….

I rarely ride the bus anymore but I had to today to get home from work. Needless to say, I remembered why I have such hatred for the public transit system.

I understand that kids will be kids and sometimes make noise on the bus and I don’t think everyone should have to be quiet on the bus but your screaming temper tantrum throwing son just pissed me off. If I wanted to hear a child throw a tantrum I’d go find one doing it thank you very much.

I’m going to judge your parenting skills on how your child acts in public in an enclosed space. You got on the bus with your two kids and a stroller. You obviously didn’t want to pay attention to your children because you head headphones stuck in your ear and since it wasn’t an iPod, just a regular CD player, I’ll even wager a guess that you’re poor. Your children sat down and it became pretty apparent that the youngest wasn’t going to behave from the start. He keeps reaching for your sunglasses and you kept trying to keep them away from him the whole time.

“You can’t have my sunglasses. If you wanted to be in the shade you should have brought your own.” Wrong Beeeeyotch!! You’re his mother you should make sure he has them or at least had the chance to bring them because I’m guessing that he either a) doesn’t have any or b)you didn’t remind him so now who’s fault is it.

Screaming ensues and your comment to your fussy child is this “I don’t know why you’re acting like this? I can’t even hear my radio.” Let me offer you a couple of tips. First being, you’re on a bus pay attention to your children for just the ride you stupid bitch. Second, he acts like that all the time regardless of when he’s on the bus or at home because there is no discipline in your home. If you actually had regular discipline and LOVE in your home he wouldn’t act like that.

He continues to fuss and you turn your back but now he’s laughing thinking its a game. Eventually he realizes it isn’t a game and so now he’s switched from laughing to crying again and you ask a child’s most favorite question in the whole wide world, “Do you want me to whoop your ass? I’ll do it right here on the bus in front of everybody.” Naturally, the child knows this is a rhetorical question so he doesn’t answer. (Yes mommy whoop my ass! Like any child is going to say that). You tell him again  “You ain’t gettin’ my shades.” Now he’s really upset and you’ve finally had enough and I almost got off the bus at this point and waited for the next one. You pull him over your knee and pull down his shorts and underwear to his bare ASS (on the bus mind you in front of 40 people) and you slap the shit out of his ass 6-9 times. Great, all that did is prove that you’re a dumbass that doesn’t know how to keep control of a child on the bus. He screams bloody murder and you’re telling him to shut up.

Let’s see, all you had to do to make him happy was give him the sunglasses and it would have been done but I digress. You were clearly on a mission to prove to everybody that you can’t keep control of a child and that you’re ghetto fabulous trash that really only cares about yourself.

You blamed your need for sunglasses on your eye problems. You could have just closed your eyes stupid! If your eyes aren’t open the sun doesn’t hit them. What a concept! Alternately, you could have informed your son the all he had to do was turn around in his seat properly and then his eyes wouldn’t have been in the sun because it would have been to his back. You must have been too stupid to figure that one out though. Go back to the ghetto and stay there!

I like to move it, 4th of July, and kids say the darndest things…

The other blogging tool on my laptop and the firewall at work at my last entry so I’m combining the two.

The move to the house went well except for one small mishap with the moving truck. We accidentally got it stuck on the garage. The SU was driving and cut the corner to short and hit the left side on the corner of the roof and it lifted the left wheels off the ground about a foot. Thankfully, a couple of guys helping us move were pretty smart. We used a jack, some plywood, two by fours, shingles, and pretty much whatever else we could find and we were able to get the truck unstuck. We finally got moved out of the apartment about 8pm on Saturday. We’re mostly unpacked now with just probably a dozen or so boxes left to unpack. I busted my rear area for three or four days to get most of the unpacking done. Our dining room and kitchen are completely unpacked and cleaned up. We’re still trying to finish the living room, bathroom, and bedrooms and those will be done soon.

We spent the 4th of July with the SU’s family since mine is all in Texas. We shot off fireworks from 5:30pm until 11:00pm and had a blast. Nobody got hurt but I did manage to burn a hole in my shorts. I love the 4th of July. It’s probably my favorite holiday besides my birthday, Christmas, and Thanksgiving (for the stuffing!!)

Today, I had lunch with the SU and the crumbsnatchers at my favorite Mexican place when it became abundantly clear that the girls needed to go home. I volunteered to take the crumbsnatchers home but that meant I had to go back to the office to get my laptop on the way which also meant that the girls would have a chance to finally meet some of my co-workers. When we got there we went up to my desk and I started shutting things down. Carrie started talking to the Crumbsnatchers and then they said, “Where’s coconut head?”

“On the other side of the wall” I said. We trotted around to the other side of the wall and said hello to Rob and then we made our way back to Coconut Head. As were standing there talking to coconut head Crumbsnatcher #2 said, “Who’s that daddy?” pointing to Danny.

“That’s Danny” I said.

Danny asked, “What’s my silly name? Since he’s coconut head what’s my name?”

Crumbsnatcher #2 says, “Dan Dan!!” Crumbsnatcher #1 didn’t quite hear what she said and she repeated it as “Dam Dam? His name is Dam Dam?”

Color me beet red while the girls are busting a gut laughing along with the co-workers. One of my managers popped up like a whack-a-mole out of her cube and said, “I hear children laughing and what’s this about Dam Dam?”

Double color me embarrassed. We got out of there as quickly as we could without any further damage.

I guess the moral of the story is there’s a reason why you don’t take children to work with you. I’m just glad there wasn’t any mention of any bodily functions. That would have been really crappy (pun intended).