To the person(s) responsible…

Thanks for leaving your left over pizza and salad on my desk. I really appreciated the fact that you left some pizza and salad for me. I love the fruit flies that are now buzzing around my desk, those are a nice touch. Next time can you at least leave me a drink and maybe some cleansing wipes so I can disinfect my workspace in a timely manner? I hope someone takes a dump on your desk and pees on your shoes!